The nature, prevalence, and functions of lying and secret keeping: Why do we do these things?

Secret Shame—Male Infertility and Donor Conception in the Wake of Retrospective Legislative Change

Men and Masculinities ◽

10.1177/1097184x211038329 ◽

2021 ◽

pp. 1097184X2110383

Author(s):

Barbara Cosson ◽

Deborah Dempsey ◽

Fiona Kelly

Keyword(s):

Emotional Labor ◽

Early Adulthood ◽

Friendship Networks ◽

Male Factor ◽

Perceived Vulnerability ◽

Donor Conception ◽

Infertile Men ◽

Secret Keeping ◽

Age Range ◽

The Impact

Historically, sperm donation was shrouded in secrecy to protect the normative family and the perceived vulnerability of infertile men. However, openness about donor conception is increasingly encouraged, in acknowledging that donor-conceived people may benefit from having access to information about their biogenetic origins. Since 2017 in the state of Victoria, Australia, donor-conceived people have been able to access previously anonymous donor records. Drawing on interviews with 17 donor-conceived adults who have come to know their donor through the new laws, this article explores the impact of finding out about the donor on relationships with mothers and fathers, and points to the persistent effects of stigma and shame about donor conception within families. Most of the donor-conceived participants were told about their donor conception in early adulthood. The age range for time of disclosure was mid-teens to early 40s. Most reported that their fathers did not want them to know. In some cases, mothers had disclosed, but sworn them to secrecy. Sensitivity to fathers’ feelings fostered a desire among participants to maintain secrecy about his infertility, especially in relation to wider family and friendship networks. Our findings revealed that secrecy about men’s infertility is heavily reliant on women’s emotional labor to protect ageing infertile fathers’ sense of manhood. Coupled with fathers’ overt resistance to openness, intergenerational secret keeping is perpetuated in families. Laws supporting openness potentially exacerbate the historical stigma associated with male factor infertility in a culture that continues to conflate virility, fertility, and masculinity.

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Hidden heirlooms: Keeping family secrets across generations

Journal of Sociology ◽

10.1177/1440783317727878 ◽

2017 ◽

Vol 54 (3) ◽

pp. 446-460 ◽

Cited By ~ 1

Author(s):

Ashley Barnwell

Keyword(s):

Life Writing ◽

National Narratives ◽

Family Secrets ◽

Secret Keeping ◽

Colonial Policies ◽

Insight Into ◽

Over Time

This article explores how wider national narratives facilitate families’ choices about what information to keep secret over time. I argue that attention to the ways family secrets operate reveals how social and moral codes are both sustained and challenged on an intimate scale. The article also makes an argument for using life writing and literature to explore the often-illusive contours of family secrets. To illustrate, I examine Lynette Russell’s memoir A Little Bird Told Me: Family Secrets, Necessary Lies and Richard Flanagan’s novel Death of a River Guide. Anchoring the analysis within the transition from colonial to postcolonial societies, these texts lend insight into the collective practices families use to manage secrets and to construct socially sanctioned identities. The discussion foregrounds the enduring impact of colonial policies upon the intimate formation of families, and the role families play in reproducing and challenging these legacies via collective secret-keeping and silences.

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