‘Somebody Watching You’: Impact of Reflecting Teams on Hope in Couple Relationships

This paper describes an antipathy to relating due to the difficulty of relating to an other who is different from ourselves and does not conform to our wishes. While this is an inherent tension in all couple relationships, it can become an entrenched pattern in couples who seek omnipotent perfection in themselves and others as an attempt to avoid the pain of loss and disappointment, especially where loss is felt to be equivalent to abandonment. Drawing on James Fisher's work on narcissism, I describe the lack of curiosity and rigid maintenance of illusions that characterise the narcissistic attitude and give an extended clinical example of a couple who were desperate to stay together despite frequently being unable to tolerate each other. The paper includes an Afterword written for the paper's republication which acknowledges the inspiration of James Fisher, and reconceptualises some of the theoretical assumptions in terms of the work of Beebe and colleagues on co-constructed dyadic systems (Beebe & Lachmann, 2002, 2003; Beebe & Stern, 1977).

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Can the “internal couple” be our faithful lifelong partner?

Couple and Family Psychoanalysis ◽

10.33212/cfp.v10n2.2020.129 ◽

2020 ◽

Vol 10 (2) ◽

pp. 129-142

Author(s):

Molly Ludlam

Keyword(s):

Gender Identity ◽

Intimate Relationships ◽

Family Dynamics ◽

Online Dating ◽

Societal Change ◽

Couple Relationships ◽

Same Sex ◽

Internal Object ◽

Lifelong Partner ◽

And Gender

For over fifty years the concept of the “internal couple”, as a composite internal object co-constructed in intimate relationships, has been fundamental to a psycho-analytic understanding of couple relationships and their contribution to family dynamics. Considerable societal change, however, necessitates review of how effectively and ethically the concept meets practitioners’ and couples’ current needs. Does the concept of an internal couple help psychotherapists to describe and consider all contemporary adult couples, whether same-sex or heterosexual, monogamous, or polyamorous? How does it accommodate online dating, relating via avatars, and use of pornography? Is it sufficiently inclusive of those experimenting in terms of sexual and gender identity, or in partnerships that challenge family arrangement norms? Can it usefully support thinking about families in which parents choose to parent alone, or are absent at their children’s conception thanks to surrogacy, adoption, and IVF? These and other questions prompt re-examination of this central concept’s nature and value.

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“I’ve got you under my skin”: borderline states in couple relationships

Couple and Family Psychoanalysis ◽

10.33212/cfp.v10n1.2020.59 ◽

2020 ◽

Vol 10 (1) ◽

pp. 59-71

Author(s):

Perrine Moran

Keyword(s):

The Other ◽

Couple Relationships ◽

Early Stages ◽

Popular Songs ◽

The Relationship

Many couples who come for therapy are struggling with separating from unconscious phantasies and beliefs that enmesh each partner with the other, resulting in states that popular songs powerfully epitomise. While this borderline experience is common and functional in the early stages of being in love its persistence paralyses the development of the relationship. Facing separation from and loss of illusion is a challenge couple therapists are often asked to help with. The argument is illustrated by a case, and by references to some of Cole Porter’s best known songs.

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Can a Narcissist Ever Marry?: James Fisher and The Uninvited Guest

Couple and Family Psychoanalysis ◽

10.33212/cfp.v4n1.2014.86 ◽

2014 ◽

Vol 4 (1) ◽

Author(s):

Brett Kahr

Keyword(s):

Clinical Material ◽

Couple Relationships ◽

Cocktail Party ◽

False Self ◽

Winter's Tale ◽

Pathological Narcissism ◽

The Family ◽

History Of ◽

Marital Partners

Few books in the burgeoning field of couple psychoanalysis have garnered as much admiration as James Fisher's The Uninvited Guest: Emerging from Narcissism towards Marriage. In this memorial essay, the author pays tribute to the late Dr Fisher and to his perennial book which explores the ways in which pathological narcissism, among other factors, inhibit the development of spousal intimacy, often destroying partnerships entirely. The author describes the creative way in which Fisher drew upon great works of literature, most notably William Shakespeare's A Winter's Tale, and T. S. Eliot's The Cocktail Party, as well as long-forgotten clinical material from Fisher's predecessors at the Family Discussion Bureau (forerunner of the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships), in order to understand the ways in which marital partners struggle with false self couplings. The author assesses the importance of Fisher's contribution in the context of the history of couple psychoanalysis.

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